Why Anxiety Is A Friend

and stop popping up whenever it feels like it, 

which is usually seemingly at some of the most inopportune times. 

If only we could click our heels three times and send it off somewhere else and just not have to deal with it.

But we can’t just banish our anxiety to some far away island never to be heard from again, 

when it’s part of our alert system and has played a huge role in keeping us safe especially throughout development, 

it’s something we need to work WITH, and not really AGAINST.

Reframing and taking the time to get to know it, understand it, and navigate alongside it, 

is such a gamechanger (for you and for your anxiety).

We’re going to work through the #1 reframe on this that has helped me, and everybody that I have worked with in my 

1:1 space and throughout my mini programs over the years.

And that reframe is: Anxiety is our friend.

Yes… a friend! (and a pretty darn good one too) 

Let me explain:

Anxiety is kind of like that friend who tells you what they feel you need to hear, but not necessarily what you *want* 

to hear at the time. They try to give you advice when you really didn’t ask for any.

A friend that cares about you so much, that having you hate them, is worth telling you and alerting you about the thing 

anyway because MAYBE that alert will be able to save you from being hurt in some way or another.

Your anxiety NEVER wants you to be hurt, or to be in harm’s way, and wants you so badly to survive and be okay as often as possible. 

That’s why it alerts us about things that it thinks might be harmful.

And it’s not pulling these alerts out of its ass either, It’s remembering.

Remembering all the times in the past when that sound DID mean danger,

when that look DID mean you were going to endure feeling alone, in trouble, or unsafe,

when that body movement DID mean you were going to be given the silent treatment later 

or that you were going to be yelled at, or abused in some way,

when making a mistake DID mean that you were going to be treated like a dumbass or have it held over your head,

when relaxing or sitting and trying to reset yourself DID mean that you were going to be called lazy,

when having someone do something for you DID mean that it was going to be held against you later…

The list of “when’s” is honestly ongoing for so many of us who have experienced growing up in manipulation, 

abuse, and emotional immaturity.

So, think of your anxiety like a friend who has seen you GO THROUGH IT, and who has been there with you 

and *for* you through all of it too. 

Imagine they are someone who has been there through this with you for YEARS, since birth basically. 

Even IF you tell them you don’t need their help anymore in the same ways you may have,

even IF you let them know that this time is different,

they’re not going to believe it fully, they’re still going to pipe up and try to help you in situations that they feel might harm you again. 

Anxiety being worked THROUGH exists within experiencing not telling.

When it comes to our friend “anxiety”… they will only start to back it up once they SEE you are okay in these situations that it’s 

trying to warn you about, and when they feel SEEN and HEARD too.

The more we ignore our little friend, 

the more they will freak out about not being able to reach us when they feel we may need their help.

The more we allow them to be present in our life with compassion and understanding for why they feel the need to visit 

in so many moments, and actually bring them *along* through showing them that those experiences they are remembering, 

aren’t the main event or the main character in our actual life anymore,

the more they will understand that you see where they are coming from, 

& that they can start to trust that *you* can take the reigns more often in your own safety and discernment.

The more they will be able to rest and start focusing on other things…

(aka your amygdala will learn to chill out a bit more, trust that you are okay and safe more often, than what it remembers 

your reality to be in the past, and will start being able to focus on other things in your body and in your environment, 

and activate your stress hormones in moments that are actually dangerous or harmful). 

But until then, 

until we start viewing and framing anxiety from a lens of “a friend”

or something that still exists all the time because it truly gives so many shits about us,

until we start letting it know that we understand why it has been on high alert for so long,

and that it may take some time for it to learn that we don’t always need it to be there in the same ways anymore,

it’s going to continue to be one of the main side-characters in our story of life.

Taking us down new storylines we didn’t ask for, 

stopping us from walking towards storylines we are asking for,

ending and sabotaging potential connections or relationships with new side-characters or interests,

keeping us feeling confused, stuck, and frustrated in a loop.

Anxiety isn’t trying to harm us or hold us back, 

it’s a friend who is trying its hardest to keep us safe… even if that means we end up hating it.

That’s a real one… that’s a friend who has our back no matter what.

So let’s try to stop hating on them so much,

Let’s try to SEE our anxiety for what it is and what it’s trying to do for us instead of TO us.

Moving from a space of being frustrated with anxiety, and into a space of gratitude for how far it has helped us get in life 

in the moments when we truly did need it to survive... is SUCH a healing moment.

So, 

Here’s to healing.

& here’s to our friend, Anxiety.

May they learn to rest, and allow us to take the reigns, whenever they feel ready to let go.

As always,

I’m thinking of you!

Talk soon,

- Ash